Rronaldo's devotion to soccer is like a kid's attachment to a stuffed animal—intense, slightly embarrassing, but ultimately heartwarming. Every goal is met with a jubilant shout, and every miss is a tragic opera.

From nhoque rituals to sweet dreams of doce de leite, Rronaldo is a culinary bard painting pictures of meals so vivid, you'd think they were made by a Michelin-star chef (or at least a really hungry college student).

Whether it's invoking the wisdom of Caverna do Dragão or reminiscing on Funky Melody, Rronaldo's nostalgia hits harder than a last-minute goal in a tied match—unexpected and wholly satisfying.