Ted's love for the Columbus Crew is palpable, like that one uncle at Thanksgiving who insists on showing off his soccer skills despite everyone wanting to eat turkey. #Crew96 is his battle cry, and he can dissect a team's performance faster than most can say 'offside'.

His takes on parenting often feature a healthy dose of eye-rolling and sarcasm, reminiscent of a dad who just found out the kids' new favorite movie is a sequel to one he thought was already bad. There's a delightful contrast between his gentle love for his kids and his sharp critique of pop culture.

Whether he’s slamming 'Banshees of Inisherin' or the absurdities of Arkansas football fans, Ted's critiques are entertainingly blunt, like that friend who'll tell you when your haircut’s bad but in a way that makes you laugh instead of cry.